Some say that we choose our life before we come into it. Sometimes I can find truth in this - and sometimes I cannot.
How and why would Avi choose this life for herself? And why would God choose this life for her?
If I look at this through an open mind and an open heart, as Avi's or God's would have been - I am able to see.
I imagine Avi looking at this life - at this journey. And through her eyes--I can see what she must have seen:
A foster family that would care for and love her, and teach her at a very young age how to become independent.
She saw that she would be needed, wanted, and loved by a family that possessed qualities that she could learn from.
She saw a tragedy that would bring people closer. That would bring about new relationships and friendships - and strengthen and deepen those that already existed.
She saw an opportunity to teach forgiveness, sacrifice, tenderness, and true to Avi form - she saw an opportunity to teach those she would come to love to be strong.
She saw that she would have to go through hell----before she could get to heaven.
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No matter what I believe, I find comfort and peace in thinking that on some level, she knew that for THIS journey, Jen and Dave would be exactly what she needed - exactly what God needed for her.
Jen and Dave are the perfect blend of everything…and they have done everything for their little girl from the moment they set their hearts on her!!
When Avi came home with them she fit into her new surroundings and with her new family immediately. She was like a chameleon - she could go anywhere and adapt to anything. She quickly shared her Mommy’s love of music - she loved it and loved it loud! She could call out a Gary Allan song, or a Butch Walker song in just a few lyrics!
She was a bright, spunky spirit - full of vim and vigor…definitely sugar and spice and everything nice! She was sweet, loveable and approachable. But don’t even THINK ABOUT trying to tell Avi not to do something! Avi, as Jen puts it, was fiercely independent! And boy was she…in the BEST possible way. “Avi do it!” was her motto! Avi had that special something - even after the accident -- she still had it. Her strength carried her -- it carried her through each day of her life. She was a fighter…and so are her parents!!
I believe Avi would not have lived as long as she did without the love and devotion of Jen and Dave. Without their determination and their will to fight, Avi‘s time after the accident would have been very different. They had worked SO hard to bring this little girl across the globe to be home with them - and they were not going to let her go without a fight.
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In letting her go - they honored her. They allowed her to be free - to finally be with her best friend and her guardian angel - Kama. They gave her the wings that she so desperately wanted and needed to fly!!
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I am going to miss Avi so much, though. I will miss snuggling up with her reading to her. I will miss spending time with the daughter of my best friend in the whole world. I will miss seeing her in the cute clothes I bought for her --- How in the hell am I ever supposed to go into a Target again and walk past the Girl’s clothing section and NOT BUY SOMETHING FOR HER?!?!?!
Truthfully, I have feared the process of saying goodbye to Aviana for some time now. I feel the day that she died, my fear was replaced with a different word: PEACE
I remember taking deep breath after deep breath. Each one filled my heart and my soul with an intense feeling of peace. Knowing that Avi would never again have to endure another seizure, never need another surgery.
She would never again have to feel something she didn’t want to feel / or not feel something she wish she could. She would no longer be trapped in this body that once gave her freedom, she could now be free from it. With each breath, I felt a surge of comfort, and oddly - of joy, knowing that Avi is free. She is free. And I have found peace in that.
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Avi will continue to live on through the hearts and memories of so many, as her journey touched so many in so many ways.
Avi was a gift from God. She was special, unique, silly, loving...and strong.
Avi has taught me so much. And her journey -- her life and her death -- will continue to teach me every day.
I will remember her always with great love, and great respect.
I will love her forever.