Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Dear Mom & Gary -

October 26, 2013 - 8:01am

There are things that happen in this life that are much larger than us. I've seen these on a smaller scale, but what I've just witnessed leaves me almost speechless. A plan for our family was meticulously orchestrated, and we were merely the characters playing the parts. The question is was it by Aviana, God, or both? I believe the latter. These words are some of the most difficult for me to say to you through this medium, but I must. Aviana is gone from her broken body here on earth and is now up above doing all of the things we so loved to think of, remember, or wish she could do. She is no longer bound by that body which couldn't. She can. She is free to do all she once could.

Aviana increasingly refused more meals until she stopped altogether. I wish I could accurately express to you how peaceful of an experience this was for us, but I never will be able. Our time was sacred with her. She was so relaxed and no longer the tight, tense ball we knew her to be. She was free of the 4+ years of seizures as well. We spent all our times wrapped up in her; reading, loving, laying, walking, and taking her to the park. It was the most beautiful time I've ever experienced. She was attentive, focused, and alert all the way until yesterday. That is amazing in itself! Her entire journey has been amazing. I wish so much you could feel an ounce of what I feel. Not just hurt... but peace for her.

Why am I in such awe and wonderment about everything around me though? Because when she refused at a steady pace, my thoughts were of Kama, her best friend. The one who was there for her always, even when I couldn't be. Is Aviana trying to join Kama on the anniversary of the day she left us, October 26th? No, that can't be...it's way too far away. I brought it up early on to Hospice, and they agreed - too far away. But no one should doubt our little girl when she makes up her mind should they? Anyone who knows Aviana knows that. As we know, Aviana has her own agenda, so she had been planning and proving everyone wrong along the way. 

Today she has gone to be with her best friend Kama. They both left us at the age of 7, both on October 26th. She is running, smiling, jumping, and playing with her, just as she used to. She is free, free to be who she's meant to be.

Please come together now. You need each other. Be good to each other. Keep your minds on all the reasons why Aviana needed to be set free. Why we needed to respect her wishes. Why it was selfish for us to keep her here. We no longer will have to put her through anymore surgeries. Please support each other through this. Stay calm, breathe deeply. Think of Aviana. She would want you to be well.

We don't know why some people are here only for a short time, but what I do know is her life must be used to teach. I have learned a million lessons from her and will never stop. Let's be grateful we had her here while we did. She's a true blessing to everyone she touches. I was not kidding when I said all was fine and still is over here. She, God, whomever, has brought a sense of peace and a state of calm to our household. We are okay and you don't need to worry. I have been praying the same be extended to the two of you.

Please let me know when you get this. I want you to hear it from me first, I will then tell others. You can FaceTime me on wifi if you want. Open the app. on your iPad and dial my CELL phone number. It's free. I'm sure. Or just call if you need. Who cares right now, right?

I love you both so much and we will be okay, I promise. We can make it through anything and this will make us stronger. Mom, especially you (I have a feeling Gary knows) we can begin to heal now. Our girl is FREE... she is FLYING!!

Our Love,

Jen

P.S. When you look up at the sky tonight, the stars and the moon, and the beauty...you can think of Aviana! She's everywhere! She's free! 







16 comments:

  1. Beautiful! You brought me to tears again. I think this must of been the most beautiful, loving, peaceful way for your mom and Gary to be notified of Avi's passing. You have such an amazing spirit Jen. Thank you for sharing your daughter and her journey with us. I hope you and Dave are fairing well.

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    1. Thank you! Thank you for being here : ) We really are doing well. It's an interesting thing now being able to go back and tell the part of the story which ties into my mom and Gary. There's so much that goes along with it and that ends up coming up. I so wanted to say where we are now, but it's as though I couldn't write until I got all this out. I still want to say where we are now at times, because this feels like so long ago. I know how important it is for the entire process though. Thank you so very much for what you wrote, and again...for being here : )

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  2. Beautiful. I have learned so much about life from you and Aviana. Love, Beya

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    1. You are too sweet Beya. I love you!

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  3. I've been reading your blog for years now and I can't recall if I have ever commented or not. I cannot believe Kama and Avianna left this world on the same day. It just gives you chills to think about!

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    1. Hi! Thank you for following along! Isn't it one of the most unbelievable things? I still am so amazed...and so thankful : )

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  4. That was so beautiful. I love that this was such a calm and peaceful time for you. Aviana must be so grateful to have such wonderful parents like you.

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    1. Thank you so much. I too was so grateful. I asked for the very same peace I had during the whole time Aviana was dying to be given for her service, and it was. I was so surprised. Not one butterfly - except a ton all over my corset ; ) Honestly though, it was amazing. Thank you so very much for the compliment. I appreciate them very much!

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  5. Jen, your words are so flowing, so perfect. I still think of your sweet, sweet girl (and your whole family for that matter) often. This weekend I ran a very special race. I wore a "running 4 those who can't" headband with Avi close to heart. Throughout the run, beautiful butterflies swarmed about the gorgeous greens of the trails and each one, in my eyes, was Aviana....finally flying free.

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    1. Thank you Erin! Thank you so much for always keeping Aviana close in thought and especially heart.Your run sounds like it was absolutely beautiful with all those butterflies! And the vision of Aviana flying free, even more so ; ) I hope you know - I appreciate you more than I will ever be able to tell you.

      I have been wanting to tell you, after about 15-16 years of not being able to run outside anymore (wheezing, etc, but always trying about 4 times a year) I am now able. I have always wanted to. I have a feeling why it changed, if you know what I mean. It's been a month today and instead of signing up for a 5k last week, I signed up for my first 10k on May 10th. I ran 6.5 the other day! I'm really excited.

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  6. Okay there really needs to be a warning, like take out the Kleenex before you read this post!! It was so beautiful and everything you said was so true. She is free and happy now and I believe someday her family will be reunited with her once again.

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    1. Ha! You're right. At the top. A Kleenex Warning...flashing ; )

      Thank you! I sure hope we will all be reunited : )

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  7. So beautifully & thoughtfully stated. Someday I hope to meet Avi in heaven and tell her all things I learned because of her life. I love you!

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    1. Awww...I hope so too. I hope it all works that way. I hope we are all reunited. I love you too!!

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  8. That was a very touching way to give the news to them -- has me in tears just reading it.

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