After leaving my mom's house, Dave and I were of the same idea. It would be best for my mom and Gary to go with Roger and Rella on their trip. There wasn't a doubt. In our opinion, the scale was not only tipped, but completely dropped in favor. We realized it would be best for not only them, but for us as well.
Our reasons were many. Because of their guilt, their love and of course, the loss. Because this would be too hard for them to see after all they had witnessed and experienced the day of the accident. Because my mom may be tempted to sneak Aviana a steak, or ten. Because they probably couldn't bear to see her wither away. Because they know my nature, and I would be inclined to divide my attention from Aviana and care for them as well. Because I knew they would be in the perfectly capable and loving hands and arms of my uncle and aunt. Because they desperately needed a change of scenery. Because they needed any and all distractions possible after everything their ears had just heard. And most importantly, because I doubted they were spiritually ready to let Aviana follow her wishes.
It was really important for everyone who was around Aviana during this time to be in a certain place. As hard as it could be, it was vital for Aviana to know we accepted her decision and that it was okay for her to go when she was ready. Aviana was awfully perceptive, so that didn't just mean by us telling her, but really meaning it, and feeling it. As in, our energy towards her.
Now I know this last part wasn't really fair to my mom and Gary, because they didn't have much time in getting used to the idea, but for all the other reasons, I had a feeling it was a good decision anyway.
I called my Uncle Roger first thing Tuesday morning. He said he'd just hung up from a long conversation with my mom. The short of it was they had talked about the two of them still joining in on the trip, but wondered how Dave and I would feel? Relief washed over. We were all separate in thought, yet woven together in what was right for all.
I was soon talking with my mom. She was hesitant, but I could tell it was on our behalf. Deep down we were right there with each other. I reassured her, making sure to tell her all the reasons why it was the best decision. She understood and agreed.
We suggested my mom and Gary meet with Hospice before they left for their trip. The people sent to us were most definitely the best of the best! We knew they would put my mom and Gary at ease. We figured they would feel more comfortable after seeing, talking, and asking every question they had.
My mom and Gary agreed and met with Hospice on Thursday. The meeting was really hard, but good. Gary swayed from slightly hostile at times, to extremely emotional. He was afraid of the timeframe, but leveled out after Beverly gently and calmly explained everything to him. Kudos to her, because I wasn't having any hostility towards my Hospice peeps! He asked a lot of questions and never hesitated in explaining every bit of what Aviana meant to him.
The saddest moments come when he speaks of how it all happened, his involvement, when Aviana went away, and what it's like for every one of us now. There are no words to describe it. I've never experienced tears, guilt and sorrow like his, my mom's, or the two of theirs combined. They are in a world of their own. Tied together...by a day, a moment, and a split second decision. One we all make and have no reason to revisit. One which, more often than not, doesn't have this traumatic an outcome. But on this day, moment, and particular second...it did. And so... many times a day, they are back on that damn street. They don't talk about it often, but during our meeting, they needed to, and did. When they decide to talk, all we can do is hear...and hug them. We were coming full circle, and they knew it.
After Hospice left, my mom asked if it was okay if her priest came to give Aviana her Last Rites. She said she would feel much better just in case something happened while she was gone on her trip. My mom knows we are spiritual, but not religious. We both said, "Of course."
A few days later her priest arrived and gave Aviana, what I believe is actually now called, "Anointing of the Sick." It was really sad watching my mom, Gary, Aviana and the priest. The priest was a really nice man. We were grateful he came to our house and cared for our family during that time.
My uncle, aunt, mom and Gary were all packing up and getting ready for their trip. They were to leave in just a few days. Even though the core of my family was leaving for 44 days, I felt calm. Everything was finally out and all decisions had been made. Now, I could put all my focus on one and one only - Aviana.