A variety of flyers and pamphlets intermixed our holiday mail after Aviana died. You just never knew what one simple key-turn to the right would result in for the day? It was a strange combination of -
Sorry Your Child Died - Top Ten Ways to Grieve
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
One in particular really caught my eye though. It was from our Hospice department; an eight-week Bereavement course for parents who've recently lost a child. I sometimes tend to have a short attention span though, so I quickly looked it over, almost threw it away thinking we were okay, but then at the last minute - stashed it in a drawer for further contemplation.
About a week or two later, the back of my mind knew the December 20th registration deadline was looming so I ran around trying to remember which drawer I buried the grievies papers (another bad habit I've been working on for...oh, about 12.5 years!) I finally unearthed them, gave 'em a once over, really thought it through for a day or so, and then talked to Dave. I told him I thought it might be a good, proactive idea...one so we don't get bit in the butt in the future. He agreed, and off we went.
Our classes are once a week. Sadly we had to miss our second one because we were in Cabo. There are only five parents total, including the two of us. Dave is the only guy. It's okay though. It's nice to meet other parents - face to face. It's nice to talk, or not, about all of this. It's really nice to just sit and listen.
What's interesting about the class is...they take you there, whether you want to, or not. What I quickly realized is this - everything I've done thus far - in my own counseling, in conversations, and every word I've written on here, it's all in my own time and space. In bereavement, it's more structured and with homework, which means it forces your mind and body to go places you might not have wanted. They pose the material and questions. To me, it's in your face reality. It's not as if what we went through isn't, but I know you understand what I'm saying. I didn't realize it would be like that. I guess I didn't have any comprehension of what it would be. Truthfully, ever since that car made contact with our family, every new step along the way has been uncharted territory. No matter, after one class I'm happy with our decision. We are completely ready and up for wherever they want to take us.
We have homework, which is due for tonight's class. I procrastinated because we were soaking up the sun and such, so now I have two weeks worth. I have to say, some of it is okay, but some...well, it hurts in the worst way - but it also hurts so good. All the things I planned to put a post together about have a name with a face in bereavement class. That in itself is such a beautiful thing. The post I promised was to include some of the bad aspects of all this with Avi (some of which I have talked already talked about). Some of the ailments, and anxieties I developed - which thankfully have mostly subsided since she passed.
Okay, I've been out of school far too long. I just realized what time it is...I've gotta get on my homework. I'll be back ; )
Wish me luck!