We had a really heavy appointment in regard to Aviana today, of which I will tell you about sometime. But for now, in order to counteract such weightiness, I have been trying my best to keep the remainder of the day light and airy. Part of that includes: wandering somewhat aimlessly around the grocery store and apparently throwing bits and pieces of recipes into my cart only to discover I don't have one whole meal, starting emails to various friends and then deciding I didn't want to finish them, oooohhh...new music Tuesday!! Wooooo Hooooo! Silver Lining!! Download! Download! Download...eh, nothing good today : / And then, flipping mindlessly through magazines, and seeing one of my very favorite parts...the 25 Things You Don't Know About Me section! What a great distraction, so I hope if I play, you will play too...all in the name of diverting the mind, thank you...
1. I am a grammar geek. I love it, love it, love it. I can sit and talk about punctuation rules, and such for hours...and have. I am so sad that my grammar has gone down the tubes in the past, almost four years. Something has sucked my brains right out of my head. What could it be...I do not know?
2. I love natural light. When people come over, they tend to turn our lights on for us. I guess it's too dark for them.
3. I love seeing people reunite with each other at the airport. It makes me happy. I could watch them all day long.
4. I have 11 piercings. 10 in my ears and one in my bellybutton. I was 18 when I got the one in my bellybutton. As the guy was piercing it, I found out he was from one of my favorite bands at the time - My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult.
5. I think closed storefronts look peaceful.
6. I got my hair caught in a Mixmaster at the age of about 7, which resulted in a huge bald spot. I was stuck to the machine for what seemed like forever, and the beaters were bent like crazy. My mom freaked out. She still thinks it's one of the worst things that's ever happened. I think that's funny. I still don't own one of those mixers, but my cousin sent me a picture last year of the very one I got my hair caught in!
7. My favorite day of the week is Thursday.
8. I finally taught myself (with Dave's help) to spell the word restaurant 2 nights ago. I am so proud of myself. You just witnessed the first time ever!! In my WHOLE LIFE!!!! See, it's true...you can accomplish anything if you set your mind to it!
9. I have become somewhat of a commitment phob ever since the accident. I thought it was just me, but after reading other peoples' blogs who have had tragic events happen in their lives, I have seen a pattern...and I'm not the only one! YES! I'm not a freak show!
10. Along those same lines, I used to be a planner and now I prefer when things just happen spontaneously!
11. I can't remember anything. Who are you? Where am I?
12. Lately, I realized I'm breaking down from carrying Aviana incorrectly for the past 4 years. That's sobering.
13. My favorite thing to say in spanish is, Como se dice? It means - how do you say? When I go to Mexico, or if I'm speaking to anyone who speaks spanish I ask them how do you say just about everything. I think they get tired of me...
14. We are almost finished with the medical appointments to get Aviana going in Ride to Walk. I think she will like the horses? I love their eyes...
15. I stop the microwave on 4 seconds. If I'm across the kitchen, and notice...I'll hop countertops to stop it, as it's my favorite number.
16. I was so scared to go past the accident site early on. Sgt. Merenda told me I could do it. He was right, I went by soon after. It gets easier with time and desensitization. We go by to Trader Joe's all the time. I have slowly, but surely been ticking off all the things I didn't think I could do. Some are harder than others. I was telling Dave as the life flight helicopter was leaving the top of Sutter last month and heading for Davis, "See I'm fine, I can handle this one now too!" and then lost my breath and started crying. Through tears I said, "okay maybe not quite." Some take longer than others...but that Sgt. Merenda - he's a wise one : )
17. I love how we can learn from each other. We all may not be where each other are on this journey of life, some may be at different life lessons, but we can all at some point and time learn something from one another. The key being...if we are opened to it.
18. For some reason lately, I feel afflicted by every ailment - even though I've had many blood draws, and my doctor visits are in check, etc. I suppose it's because of #12? I better go talk to My Maggy. It ebbs and flows since the accident, and it's usually because I feel I don't have the energy to fight one more battle!
19. I think this list is not what they had in mind when they made it up for the people in the magazine : )
20. I surround myself with very few really good friends. Not on purpose, it just happens that way. Especially after you know what (I get tired of saying it). It's not that I'm anti-social, it's just that I connect with fewer on a deep level.
21. My old favorite chip was Late July Dude Ranch, but it was recently overtaken by Real McCoy's Sweet and Spicy. If you haven't tasted them, run out and get a bag...you won't be sorry. I promise. But really, I hardly eat chips...
22. I think you know, but music has saved my life - literally. Especially in the last 4 years. This is one of my newest favorite songs. I'm wishing Rainey or Avi (wait, Avi was asleep, so Rainey) was videoing Dave, Amy and me last pie night to that song, because I would have been able to share the funniest video ever! But since Rainey was asleep in the makeshift passenger seat of our car of virtual insanity...I've got nothing : ( Sorry...
23. We have to keep a crazy sense of humor about all of this, which (borders - not borders) is sick and sometimes really twisted. I hear firefighters and hospice workers, etc. also do this in order to keep sane and continue on. It's a must, but I swear if you were a fly on the wall you might doubt our sanity. We don't do it in front of Aviana though.
24. In looking around the Internet and other places, I have seen how quick to judge people are. So snappy and snarky. I've been cringing lately at what I have seen. In actuality do we really know the plight of another? Is it really our place to say? I don't think so. People haven't a clue, but they sure like to think they do. Even after our CPS stuff, some suggested I shut my blog down. Yes, I thought about it for one brief moment the day it happened. I thought someone maybe used my own words against me. Then, the very next thought was, "no way! Forget it." Everyone gets a snapshot of what goes on here. Yes I write, sometimes vent, but how can I possibly say all that goes on? No one has a clue of what we have been through in the past 4 years. People of course can do whatever they want, but seriously...what I see all over the Internet and everywhere is sometimes some extreme judgment. I am thankful for my little therapy space and that I have good people here and nothing negative has ever been said to my face. I just wish it wasn't behind my back though either, as I think that is the worst kind....an adult conversation sure would have been nice now wouldn't it?
25. Yes! This served as a great distraction! It's time for dinner with my b*tches. That sounds so rude, but that's what we, ever so affectionately, call ourselves ; )
It's not easy.