Wednesday, October 16, 2013

It's hard to imagine, the last time Aviana really ate was Thursday. It's hard to imagine, on Saturday we were at the Pumpkin Patch feeding the goats and riding the train through the night. It's hard to imagine, the bus doesn't stop here anymore. It's hard to imagine, Dave no longer goes to work anymore. It's hard to imagine, Aviana spends more time sleeping than awake. It's hard to imagine...this is all coming to an end.













































36 comments:

  1. I have been following your blog for a very long time. I have grown to love all of you. My heart is full for you and your sweet husband. You have been the kind of parents that we all pray we are to our children. Life is fleeting but so wonderful. It will be such a blessing when Avi can run and jump and laugh with her dear friend Kama. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this tender time.

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  2. Wishing you all peace and love.

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  3. There are really no words. I have been where you are now, but with my husband. I can't even imagine being in this place with my child. I wish you peace, love and continued strength in the coming days. May the memories of good times carry you and your family through the rough times.

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  4. You are so brave...my heart is breaking for you, Dave and Aviana and so proud of all of you at the same time. I don't have any more words.

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  5. I really don't know what to say Jen. There are no words to help guide you anymore. I feel helpless. I am sorry for that. Although I feel like helping you, I know that you don't need any. I know that you are in a peaceful place. For that I am so grateful. I wish you, Avi, Dave and family all of the love in the world. I will be praying for Aviana every day.
    Love,
    Tracy

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  6. It is hard to imagine. Impossible to imagine. So much love your way. So so much.

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  7. It's getting harder & harder for me to come here, but I HAVE to for you! Only to tell you I love you and Im always thinking of you, when I say you, I mean your family. I know you don't like to hear this but, I envy the strength and courage you have. You are so amazing!
    Aviana, you are so loved,not only by your family but all the lives you have touched in your journey.XOXOXO
    Cindy from NC

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  8. This has me in tears, your strength is amazing. She is such a beautiful girl and I just cannot stop thinking about you guys. No other words, I have been reading for a few years and my heart is just breaking
    Xox

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  9. Sending good thoughts during what must be an unimaginable time. I have so much respect for your strength, for you, and for your family.

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  10. I am lost of words, full of tears. Enjoy your time together the best you can. Treasure every moment like I know you are. Thinking of you, you are an amazing family.

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  11. Your strength is amazing, and the love in your family and your gift of sharing Aviana's journey with all of us is touching lives everywhere. I know how much her story and her life has touched my heart. My prayers are with you and your sweet, sweet girl.
    Sonia in MO

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  12. Jen, it breaks my heart to read this tonight. My prayers are with you and Dave and sweet precious little Aviana. Love you.

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  13. "If this is ever too much for you, if you ever think you've felt enough pain, you go to Baby Jesus and he'll take care of you. Mommy and Daddy will be just fine." - Lorenzo's Oil.

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  14. Thank you for allowing us to experience the passing of your precious daughter from this life to the next. It is raw and heartbreaking and yet beautiful and strong. Know that if your heart grows weak mIne will beat strong enough for you all. Thank you for showing me how to live and die with hope, faith and charity. From the first moment I laid eyes on your blog, I knew that our souls would love one another. I do so love you, Aviana , Dave , Rainey and Kama. You have made your world a beautiful place for you family. Making Aviana feel like the most loved little girl in the world. Helping me to see the beauty in death. Not an easy thing for a person like me. I love you Hodder family. You truly make me try to be a better person. Sending my love and prayers every step of your journey. Beautiful family, beautiful life.

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  15. It really is hard to imagine... It hurts to try. These pictures are wonderful though. She looks like she is taking it all in and soaking up these sacred moments with her beloved parents. Such a beautiful, special girl. You're in my thoughts and prayers all the time. Emily

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  16. It is hard to imagine... love, love, love you and the family. words just can't express what I feel for you. my thoughts and prayers are with you always
    Jess

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  17. I pray God walks closely with you all during this time. Trust Him and know He is there.

    Monty Owens

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  18. We are all so sorry. I can't imagine. We love you. There are no magic words.

    I love you.

    Cameo

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  19. Praying for you and your beautiful daughter. You have shown me how selfless a mother must be.

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  20. I am sending so much love, peace, and good thoughts your way.

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  21. So sorry for what you're going through. Cannot imagine. You're in my thoughts. When peoples' words don't help, I hope being close to Rainey will. Hugs!

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  22. Oh Jen....this is so incredibly hard to read. My heart breaks for you and Dave. I am full of so many thoughts but I'm at a loss for words. Just know that I love you, I'm thinking of you and praying for Aviana's peace through all of this. And yours.

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  23. Praying for you and your family as you let your sweet Aviana go. May you all find peace.

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  24. I have been following your blog since Aviana's accident. My daughter Maya is the same age as your daughter and is adopted from Guatemala as well. I am so sorry this has been such a hard road for you and your sweet daughter. I don't really know what to say but just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. You are so strong and Aviana has been so lucky to have you as her mommy.

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  25. I have followed your blog (and sent a scrap book page, ever so long ago) for ages. Thinking of you. Love, nora

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  26. I have been following your blog for quite awhile its the first thing I check in the mornings. My heart breaks for you and Dave. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  27. Jen, you and your family, have taught me and I am sure many others, what love, strength, hope, joy and acceptance truly mean. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful family. I have followed your blog since the beginning and have learned more from you and your husband than I can ever explain. Avi, I pray for you to be whole again, and to be with you Kama.

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  28. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. You are such an inspiring family and continue to amaze me with your strength and grace.

    Mel J. from Pa.

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  29. Jen & Dave,
    I wanted to write and tell you how much I admire your strength, your courage and your honesty. My daughter Rylee is a classmate to Aviana! I have enjoyed so much getting to know her. She always brings a smile to my face. She is such a dolly! I have missed seeing her this week. :( Please give her a hug & kiss from Rylee & I. Praying for peace & comfort in this time of transition. With love, The Richards Family <3

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  30. Such a tough post to read I truly can not image your heartbreak. Prayers of peace for you and your sweet family. Hugs mama!

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  31. I have been following since the beginning and rarely comment....but just wanted to send your sweet family hugs and prayers....thinking of all of you.....

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  32. Hi,
    I'm just now catching up on your blog and love reading about your family. From what I'm reading it sounds as if Avi is starving herself. I appreciate all you have been through and the love that you have shown, and I hope this isn't the case. I can't believe that a child like Avi understands not eating....and that any doctor would support not feeding a child intentionally to allow them to die. Just trying to understand based on what I have read. I'm not passing judgement just trying to understand. I can't imagine that this is god's wish for anyone especially a child. Good luck to you all and my thoughts are with Avi hoping that the right decisions are made by all.

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    Replies
    1. Hi ~

      I want to thank you so much for how respectful you were in your comment. I truly appreciate you for trying to gain an understanding without passing judgment. You seem like a really good person. I completely understand where you are coming from. Our first reaction in regard to the feeding issue was similar to what you are expressing. After first meeting with Palliative, I don't think I slept for 3 months straight, as it was so unexpected. I had a record number of headaches at that time too. I was up researching and plain wondering and thinking what was best for Aviana.

      It's funny how I think I've explained things on my blog and then receive a comment such as yours and realize how I really haven't. I'm so glad you brought this up. We have talked to all of our family and friends about the details, and like I said...I actually had to go back as I thought I definitely had on here too. But I now know, I have another (very important) blog post to write.

      Everything now is so raw and pressing with what is currently happening. I have so many swirling in my head, but will definitely have that one in the mix...in time.

      Thank you so much for being so thoughtful and kind. I really appreciate it.

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