Monday, January 21, 2013

Knock Knock CPS Calling

Do you remember how excited I was to say goodbye to December and start this New Year off? Well I didn't even have a chance to post our Christmas or New Year's pictures, before a tasty piece of something arrived in the mail. Addressed to us and regarding Aviana, was a letter from CPS about child abuse of all things.

I had to read it a few times to make sure the names were correct. I then called Dave. As you can imagine we were both shocked. Not at all by the abuse charge as we know we treat her like a little hunk of gold, but by the question of who the hell would do such a thing to us?

So this was how the year was starting off? Okay, we've been through way worse than this. We would just simply have to go through the motions. Yes, it's terrible to have to prove your own parenting skills, especially for a child that not really many know how to parent, and in regard to someone who anonymously decides to put in a false and bogus request against you. But, we'll do it...and do it well.

The social worker told us the anonymous person cited 'medical neglect.' We had to laugh a little, repeat the words out loud a few times and shake our heads, as we are beyond white on rice to Aviana's every medical need. The Institute helped us to make sure of that. We have gone so far above and beyond what Kaiser would even think to ask it's not even funny.

We were doing 10 viles of blood every quarter and I was cutting many sections of her hair and sending it to a private lab for extensive heavy metals tests. Every time we got the results back, we were doing things like using parchment paper instead of aluminum foil to cook her food on, and fish once a week instead of twice because her mercury was a little high, etc. I mean, those are the kinds of lengths we were going for this child for years on end. And we still keep insane tabs on her. We still carry the knowledge of what we learned. For not only her, but all of us. All organic, as minimal toxins as possible, the list goes on! When you know better, you do better!

When the social worker visited, she asked many nutritional questions. We explained that Aviana was her perfect BMI for her height and described her extensive diet history. We explained that we have 7 binders of nutrition and 2.5 years of detailed excel spreadsheets saved on the computer, which include breakdowns of not only her every calorie, but if that calorie was coming from fat, carbohydrate, protein. We explained that by the request of Aviana, we have now made some modifications to her diet because she began opening her mouth less. Do we blame the little Meek? Nah, I commend her for finally putting her Meek Mook foot down to that perfectly balanced food and asking for something with more taste. Does it make our lives a lot harder? Why yes it does! But we all deserve to eat something we like better. Especially Aviana. She understood : )

She also inquired about her head. Her noggin is complex due to all of her surgeries, so we told her all of the details.

The social worker was compassionate and caring. I was grateful. At the end of the visit she said she did not see any medical neglect going on and that we would never see her again. She said because of the request she did have to check with the doctors at Kaiser to verify about her surgeries, appointments and such.

Yes, it's amazing that just anyone can decide to hide behind, and file a request. While we understand for people who really are abusing their children, we are appalled for people like us, who take extreme care of Aviana. We are disgusted that there are people who take advantage of a system meant to protect children for their own petty and vindictive purposes. Or for a person who has no idea what it's really like to care for a child like Aviana, but thinks they do. Please, I invite you...come spend a day, a week, some time with us. I bet you will be running, in a heartbeat, with your tail between your legs - back to your nice, normal, non- brain injured life! It's not for the faint of heart. Nobody would choose this for themselves, and especially their child, trust us!

In these moments, funny things happen though, because everyone we told - all of our family, friends, my Maggy, everyone...they all rallied around us. They are the ones who are with us all the time, see us all the time, spend all the days, weeks, months, and moments with us. They jumped up and in, some laughed at that person for doing this, some wanted to get them, but above all, everyone protected us and loved us. We just laid low, and let the love carry us until it was quickly over.

It would have been easy to focus all our attention on who, but with everyone who loves and protects us - that made it far easier to concentrate on all the positive we have in our lives. We are thankful!

With the love and support of our family and friends we can do anything, and everything...always!

54 comments:

  1. Are you freaking kidding me!!!! this is the most insane thing I have EVER read! Boy i would be very curious to know who would think that you weren't caring for your child, are they on drugs????
    Take care! glad our tax dollars paid for such BS!
    Sorry still just in complete shock!

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    1. Yes, we were shocked too, and thought the very same things as you wrote! Thank you so much!

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  2. My blood pressure is up right now like you wouldn't believe. I had to go back and re-read certain paragraphs. I am so confused as to how anyone, and I mean any human being with a soul, would not be able to discern the loving parents that you & Dave are. I am beyond words. I wish I knew someone at the FBI or a real Mission Impossible bunker because I'd call in a favor and have them track down this coward "anonymous". But you know what? God/karma will take care of that.

    A REAL person with REAL concerns uses their REAL name.

    Jen, I am sorry that you had to use your precious time and energy to deal with this foolishness. I am happy that you are surrounded by family and friends! I love you!

    This is crazy. I'm still shaking my head.

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    1. We so wanted to know who it was. Confront US please, we dare you! Don't just take the pansy way out and file something anonymously! That's like when people hide behind their computers and write some anonymous nasty comment!

      And you're right about karma, it will all be taken care of in time. We swirled in the 'who' the first day, and then the love and support took over that one pathetic person. It was the best reminder that love conquers all : )

      Thank you so much for your comment. We love you too : )

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  3. We had it happen to us too but we knew who made the report. Even if they know who made the report CPS will not tell you, but in our case it could only have been one person. Family and friends rallied around us as well, except for one "friend" who opted to end our relationship than to see the truth. It is her loss, not mine. It is awful to have to defend yourself against an untruth when there are cases out there that obviously need intervention and they get overlooked. I don't think there is a State out there whose CPS system does not need a good overhaul! I am sorry you too had to endure such an ordeal after all you have already been through.

    There is one more step in the process that I believe needs to happen - when reports such as these are made they stay on your record even if unfounded. Those who make bogus reports should have a record of it as well. If this person could make such a far fetched allegation, who is to say they have not done so before - or will again!

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    1. Hi Nancy!

      We have a feeling we know who it was too. I am so sorry this happened to you too. It's such a shame there are such nasty people out there! And as for your 'friend' my gosh! When you said that one of my favorite quotes (I LOVE quotes) popped into my head, "those who matter won't mind and those who mind don't matter." We'll still see how ours shakes out and if we lose anyone, I will stick by those words, and yours too...."their loss, not mine!"

      I completely agree with you about the additional step!

      Thank you so much for your comment...

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    2. I am not familiar with your state's child welfare laws, but in some states, you can request that any unfounded reports be removed from the record after a certain number of years. You might want to ask the social worker who visited you about that.

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  4. I just started reading your blog a couple months ago. You tell your story with such grace and dignity. The honor in which you live your life inspires me to be a more faithful servant of my Heavenly Father. I don't understand man and their actions much of the time. Nor do I spend much of my precious time trying to figure out the ugly actions of others. Thank you for setting an example of what faith, hope and charity look like, possessing those traits allows us to walk through life holding gods hand. It's when we let go that our souls get into trouble. I smile every time I think of how much love surrounds you and your family.

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    1. Thank you Donna...you are too kind! I too, don't understand the 'ugly' actions of others and try hard not to spend too much time trying to figure them out.

      Thank you so much for following along and it is very nice to meet you : )

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  5. I want to vomit and then give the anonymous coward a black-eye.

    Freakin' unbelievable.

    Andrea

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    1. I so love you SS...

      And I SO love your New Year's card that is sitting right here on my desk staring right back at me : )

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  6. Oh my precious Jen....grrrrr

    God don'tlike UGLY and someone is gonna be in so much trouble with Him!

    I have cried tonight for what yall have had to go through but thank you for all your family and friends you have around you and support you and OUR Aviana! Know I will be praying and yes for the "ugly" one too!

    Hugs and kisses to all of yall!
    Julie in Texas

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    1. I had a feeling you would say that Julie ; )

      Thank you so much and thank you for your email too! You are the sweetest!

      I love you to pieces!!

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  7. Wow, that is crazy! I'm very sorry you went through that. The who would've drove my husband & I insane but I'm glad you guys were able to not get too caught up in that and stay positive. Really scary people can say anything even when it's unsubstantiated. Hope the rest of 2013 is much better! Xoxoxo
    Maris NYC

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    1. We were caught the first day!! Ugh! But then it slowly dissipated as I think we figured out who it was. Yeah, it's pretty crazy that just anyone can say anything! We too hope 2013 is better...it's already looking that way : )

      Thank you

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  8. I cannot believe someone had the nerve to turn you in to CPS! What were they thinking??? And what were they hoping to gain from it? As if CPS doesn't have enough legitimate cases to investigate. Sheesh! Thank goodness the social worker was compassionate and caring. What a way to start off the new year. Yes, definitely hope the rest of the year gets much better.
    Ruby

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    1. We couldn't either!!!We agree with everything you said!! We were SO beyond thankful that she was kind and compassionate. We would have gotten through regardless, but gosh...it would have made it much more difficult!! Thankfully too the year has already been much better since that's behind us : )

      Thank you so much for your comment :o)

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  9. Wow.. I usually don't post but this just made me so.mad.. I'm truly sorry for what that anonymous person did. You know you both are great parents. wow.. I'm glad CPS saw through the lies. god bless you.

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    1. Thank you for posting. Thank you for following along. And thank you for your compliments : ) We really appreciate it!!

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  10. This is so awful, and I am SO sorry you had to go through this on top of everything else! Your ability to see the positive is so admirable though. I'm so glad it is over for you!

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    1. Hi! Thank you so much! Were really thankful that it was pretty much over right after it started so we didn't have to think about it too much. The layers can get pretty thick around here : ) Ha Ha. We are getting pretty good at shaving those suckers down ; )

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  11. Un-freaking believeable! That is unreal! Good for you for not being angry and wanting to know who. You are a better person than I!!! Hang in there and hugs!

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    1. Hi Heather!!

      Oh we definitely were angry with the person and really wanted to know who in the very beginning, but we will never truly know, so we figure it's best to just forget about it. We know who we are, how we parent, and I'm as opened a book with everyone as possible. I will never change that, so we have nothing to hide...ever. I tell exactly what this is like...every bit of it, the good, the bad, and the ugly...all of it. If someone wants to take my words, and twist them...so be it. They are just being inaccurate. But, I won't ever compromise who I am, or what this is really like...for anyone.

      We quickly realized though - it's not worth our time, energy or any such anything to stay in that negative space that the 'pansy person' wanted for us to stay in : )

      Thank you for being here Heather!





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  12. Are you kidding me, I'm sorry I have to ask again, Are you kidding??? I can't believe it, honestly I really can't beleive it. I am totally dumbfounded. I am so angry for you right now, I know you're probably trying to not live in the anger and trying to keep your head up, but damn, who the hell would do that to you? What an unbelievablely cruel human being, if that person reads your post I want that person to know they are dirt, they are scum, they are just a terrible, terrible person. You and Dave didn't deserve that what-so-ever. Keep you head up girl.

    Lot's of hugs,
    Jess

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    1. Hi Jess...

      Have I told you lately...

      I LOVE YOU!!

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  13. Sad to say, quite often it is not the first time for such an idiot to do it. I would not be surprised if that same thing happens again with a slightly different twist. They often are not happy with the result and will rear their head again, maybe with a different agency. You guys handled yourselves correctly and honestly. Just take notes, stick it in a drawer, just in case there is a repeat idiotic event. Good vibes! KR-Roseville

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    1. Wow! Good to know! That makes me think of Nancy's comment above and how another step drastically needs to be implemented into the CPS process! I can absolutely see this happening! It makes perfect sense to me, especially if done for petty and vindictive purposes, which is why we believe it was done in our case!

      Thank you for your comment!

      Definite food for thought...

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    2. Hopefully that won't happen!! Any concern about child abuse would be turned over to your CPS and then they can see that they have already investigated it. Just keep up with any paperwork you received. AAsk for a letter saying it was unfounded. Keep the worker's name, etc. Sorry this has happened to you!

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  14. There are so many ugly people in this world! I read your blog daily and there is nothing but pure love for your precious girl. Don't let em get ya down..ya'll are awsome!!
    Becky Cooper
    Plano, TX

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    1. Agreed!! We so appreciate your support. Thank you so much Becky!

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  15. That is just INSANE! I really can't believe the nerve of some people. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I also believe that Karma will catch up to the "Anonymous Person". Ridiculous! I'm sure you blew the CPS person away with your charts and information....not to mention the love I'm sure they felt in your home for Aviana. God Bless you!

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    1. Hi Kelly ~

      I agree! The nerve of some people. Just come to us if you have something to say, or a question about our care. We have not a problem in the world explaining why or how we do something? But come to us.

      Oh well. That's the way some people prefer to handle their business.

      I think the social worker was impressed with both our love and care : )

      Thank you Kelly

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  16. THIS IS EFFIN UNREAL!!!!! Sorry ,I had to say it! I dont know your family personally,but as Ive said before,your blog is my first reading of my day. I hate to admit it but I envy the way you take care of Avi :)
    I have a 24/7 care ,37 yo son,and every time I read your blog,I wish I could go back in time and re-do everything the way your family handles your child.
    You are SO strong! I would have to hunt them down and ,well, I cant type it here.
    There really are evil people out there. Know it alls and everything in between.
    OMG!! this just makes me SO ANGRY!!
    Thanks for letting me vent.
    Cindy in NC

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    1. Hi Cindy ~

      Please, don't be sorry for your posts and my gosh...I would never ban you ; ) I too, would be really protective of someone else if I saw this on one of my other brain injury peeps blogs! Thank you so much for your love and support!! Thank you for your compliments in regard to our care.

      Because you have your son, I know you understand first hand how difficult this is, and more so because you have been in it for so long!! The caretaker role is something that is unexplainable, but to you - I need not explain because I know you know every detail of what I mean all too well, and without a word. I know you see in me, what I see in you...without one single sentence. We speak a language...in pure silence. And the outrage that comes out of you, comes from a place of a caretaker to a child like your son, like Aviana...and by someone who so nonchalantly did this - on the other side. By someone who doesn't speak our language. Or live in our world. Who doesn't understand. Who hasn't a clue. Or the worst kind of offender, FROM SOMEONE STANDING IN JUDGEMENT. Like you said, "know it alls" And as you know, there are so many out there. They think they can do it better.

      By the way hindsight is 20/20. I am sure you have done well by your son on SO many levels! Being a caretaker is one of the most difficult jobs EVER! I raise my glass to you Cindy, and I raise it high, because that in itself deems you as strong!!

      I know you said you hate to admit it, and I agree - envy is for the birds. I know we have tried our asses off, but we are far from perfect, my gosh we are far. You've made me think with that...I should write more about that. But Cindy, after stopping the Institute program, I could no longer compete with what the school could offer her. I became boring to and for her. By the end of the day, we stared at each other...like this ; ) I could no longer keep her occupied all day long and felt relief when she fell asleep, for a few reasons, seizures, and I couldn't keep up. It's taxing and it's such a weight of responsibility to have on one person's shoulders when your child cannot entertain themselves, or do, at all...I completely understand. Gosh, isn't it multifaceted? It is, isn't it?

      I so agree with you about the law!! so agree. I'm not busy enough!!! I think I should pick up a hobby...a lobbying hobby ; )

      Thank you so much for your love, support and protection. You will never know just how much I appreciate it!

      Love,

      Jen

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  17. Oh, Im sorry to add more to my above post,but, I really feel there should be a law protecting you on this, like if the allegations are unfounded you should be able to sue these people,I dont think just anyone should feel free to report anything unless they have the proof to back up the allegations!! Ill quit now, you might ban me :) <3
    Cindy, FUMING!!

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  18. O...M...G!!!! I am so pissed for you right now!! What IGNORANCE would report that crap?!?!?!? I am so sorry it was even part of your life for one second, and I'm so happy to see all the great, supportive comments already. Whoever reported not only infuriates me, but perplexes me. As a teacher, I have had to make plenty of reports, and most of the time, NOTHING is done, even though it has nothing to do with medical neglect. Wow. Seriously. I hope they end up full of remorse for how completely wrong he/she/they are....

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    1. Hey Gina, get your gang on. Hey Gina...get your gang on. Ha ha! I'm just happy it's over. And I'm happy for all of YOU! Thank you! I love YOU!!

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    2. OMG, Maybe the Gina and the Gang should be a pie!?!?!?? I love you more!!!!!!

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  19. Jen,

    I never post-except when I asked for the delicious pecan pie recipe with butter, but this makes me crazy. I was a special ed. teacher working with very low income infants and toddlers. I saw a lot of child abuse and reported many cases, but I would never do this without much thought and a legitimate reason. The case workers are so busy and many kids are dying because they are too busy with idiots who have nothing else better to do than to wrongly accuse someone else because of jealousy, anger, psychological issues-whatever. I can tell by faithfully reading your blog you are a wonderful mom. This is my field, but I could never do what you do so well and with such grace and dignity. Sending hugs, prayers and good karma from freezing cold Pa.

    Mel J.

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    1. Hi Mel!

      What you wrote summarizes our feelings exactly when we read the letter. We felt that this person was using the system for petty or vindictive reasons. Anyone who has been around our family, or follows our blog knows without a shadow of a doubt the level in which we care for Aviana. We think we have it narrowed down to who, but there are so many crazy people out there who 'think' they know...who really knows?

      People have a way of twisting your words, or thinking they know who you really are. And also, maybe people also don't seem to understand that in tragic situations like this you have to make light of it in order to "get through." Dave and I try to keep things as light and airy as we can and joke and laug as much as we can in order to get through this LIFE! Firefighters, cancer patients, Hospice staff, etc do it all the time. It's called taking a crappy situation and making the best of it : )

      Mel J. ...my pie making comadre - thank you for being here : ) I am sending some warm, beachy, toes in the sand vibes your way!!

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  20. totally unfreakinbelievable. I think you all are awesome for all that you do to make sure your girl has whatever she needs

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    1. Thank you Nancy...I love the one word all togetherness - unfreakenbelievable!!

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  21. Jen,
    I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. Such a coward to make an anonymous complaint. I have no doubt you blew away the social worker with your records. I also have no doubt that the love and commitment for sweet Avi that fills your every moment was so clearly obvious to her. Social workers see so many tragic situations I am sure she felt good walking away from your home knowing without question that Aviana was receiving the very best and most loving care possible. And as usual, the grace and dignity that shines through you always is incredible even in the most difficult situations. I am so glad you are surrounded by friends and family who rally around when you need them most.

    Love you!
    Marianne

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    1. Marianne, you are the sweetest! Thank you. We are just happy it's over. I do think she felt the love right away...because my gosh, we do love our little Meek! She saw Aviana just getting off the bus from school and then she was sitting there with us as we explained everything. I did feel that she felt good when she left. I was so happy to put it all behind us and move on.

      Thank you for your compliments. I so appreciate them.

      I love you!

      Jen

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  22. Oh.My.Gosh. I'm completely speechless. WHO would stoop so low as to turn you "in" to CPS? wow. The cowards. They should come forward to say WHY they thought that was necessary...
    Do you HEAR me out there? (I KNOW whoever did this reads your blog) COWARDS! Really, to be anonymous? That's cowardly. Yeah, it IS. If you really believe something, then STAND by your belief. Don't hide behind anonymous. Grrrrr....makes me so angry.

    This is a CRAZY claim, anyway. I've been on The Institutes program with my daughter -- it takes A LOT of work! It's incredibly exhausting just planning the meals and supplements alone. And Jen, you do WAY more than what we ever had to do with Audriana as far as nutrition goes. Way more. Just reading your blog exhausts me, all that you do for Avi.

    I'm disgusted that someone would turn you in to CPS.

    You know, we once had a doctor who threatened to turn us into CPS. Our daughter got sick with Whooping Cough a few years ago. We took her to our local urgent care to get tested and they put her on meds and that was that. We had to keep her in the house away from people for 10 days, I believe it was. Well, our pediatrician at the time was contacted afterwards of her illness, so she called us and INSISTED that we bring her in to HER office to be checked. This was 3 days after her being diagnosed. We told the pediatrician that she had already been seen by the urgent care doctor, she was tested and was put on medication and we were given strict rules to keep her inside and away from public for 10 days. We told her that we were keeping to those rules and would NOT be bringing her for an office visit anytime soon. After all, she was supposed to STAY INDOORS and AWAY from the public!! She kept saying, "I'm afraid I have to INSIST that you bring her in to my office to be seen right now." and we asked her what her reasons were, since she was already diagnosed. She wouldn't give us any answer except to say "I need to see her. I insist you bring her in." and were like, "Well, you can insist all you want, but we aren't going to bring her in." so of course she got her feathers all ruffled because we weren't doing as we were told, LOL, and she said, "Well, if you don't bring her in to my office, I will report you to CPS." and we were like, "OH REALLY? Well, that would make YOU look like a fool...so GO AHEAD AND REPORT US!! By the way, you are FIRED. We will no longer use your services as our pediatrician." and we hung up on her. And she never DID call CPS on us. We got no call, no knock at our door. It was an empty threat. What a jerk of a doctor. It still makes me mad to think about it.

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    1. Thanks for going to bat for us. You've DONE IT, I know you GET IT!! I know you know what it's all about. Thank you ALWAYS Trina! Always : )

      I honestly can't believe that happened to you! I am shocked!! You always hear them tell you to STAY HOME when you are sick because being in a hospital is dangerous!! Why would they have wanted you to come in? That just doesn't make any sense. Yes, call if you want to...you are the one who will look like a fool. Oh and Bu-bye!!

      You are the BEST Trina. Thank you for ALWAYS being here for us, and for always having our backs, from the very beginning of this journey.

      We LOVE you...



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  23. I am totally sickened, appalled, and shocked by this idiot and entire situation. I am so thankful that although someone insane did this to you guys, you didn't even bat an eye. Knowing full well that you had nothing to hide or worry about. Everyone in your life knows how absolutely insane this is. I am so sorry that you had to mess with this. I am glad that you had so much documentation/crazy organization :) as well. I would LOVE to see whoever did this face to face. Sending lots of love!

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    1. Thank you Tracy. We always love the love you send our way : )

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  24. You have the most loving blog. Anyone with an ounce of brain cells can see you love and take excellent care of your beautiful daughter. Someone is jealous or threaten by your love. I believe the law protects the person making the call but they must give their name to the CPS.I would like to have a come to Jesus meeting with the person who did it.
    Lydia

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    1. Hi Lydia ~

      Thank you for following along and for your kind comments. I really appreciate them!

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  25. I would have picked you and your husband to be the VERY LAST person this would happen to. You musta pissed somebody off! Would be laughing at how ludicrous this is, except that it isn't funny, and what you had to go through to "prove yourself" to CPS isn't funny either. Warm hugs. I'm so very sorry this happened to such very good people. -Kate Ousley

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    1. Sheesh! I guess so ; ) Ha! Thank you so much Kate! You are always so sweet to us!

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  26. Sorry, but the person that reported you is an a**hat. Actually, I can think of a lot more to add to that...but I'll try to be civil. You would go to the moon and back for your little girl. In fact, you pretty much have. So has Dave. She is so loved and cared for, and it shows.

    I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Any more problems, and I'll beat the idiot that called them with my cane! (Whoops...that isn't civil...but it stays!)

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    1. Who's that little cutie pie in the picture! Thank you Jillian...and hey...I kind of like it when you're not so civil ; ) Thank you for always being such a good friend, all the way from the way back, back, back. I love you!

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