I entered a 500 word essay contest and although I didn't place, I figured today would be the perfect day to share : ) It was a true challenge for me to keep it to only 500 words!
Motherhood is much more challenging than I could have expected. Every step of my journey to and through motherhood has been nothing short of rough. In one split second, all of my hopes and dreams of being a mother were dashed. I am currently in the process of rewriting the story of our lives together.
It all began when I naively believed the line to a child was straight. Our first detour was into the land of infertility. After staying for a while, we decided on adoption. For me, motherhood was hard to obtain!
After surviving the grueling process, we were thrilled to finally travel to Guatemala and pick our beautiful Aviana up. After working through some unexpected Post Adoption Depression, I felt better days were on the horizon…
Until one June day, I was out shopping for 3rd birthday decorations. As I listened to my voicemail, I quickly realized the better days I dreamed of would likely remain just that. Aviana was with my parents. She, her Nana and Papa were crossing the street when a car hit them. Our little Aviana flew through the air, and landed on her head.
Aviana endured numerous surgeries. We came close to losing her several times. But after three months, we were able to bring her home. Sadly, our sweet girl was left severely brain injured and unable to walk, talk, smile, or eat by mouth. I’ve learned that motherhood is about loving Aviana for who she is and not what she can, or cannot do.
As a mother, I always believed I was supposed to be the teacher in the parent/child model. As it turns out, without one single word, she is the one who’s teaching me.
Our daughter can barely hold her head up. Any little move she makes is big news, and elicits much excitement in these parts. Needless to say, I don’t take one single moment for granted.
Motherhood isn’t perfect. It can be downright difficult. At times it hurts, but it’s sure worthwhile through every strain and pain. Motherhood is full of ups and downs, but overall ~ it’s a journey of self-discovery. This little soul is here to hold a mirror before me. She shows me not only who I am, but more importantly, who I want to be.
For me, motherhood involves allowing myself to grieve for what was, while at the same time, accepting what is. It’s agreeing to a new story. It’s rewriting the script. Motherhood is about trying to embrace imperfection. It’s about being kind to myself, and those around me. Motherhood is not a competition. Motherhood is about accepting a trip or a fall, as these are the very stumbles that make me who I am. I’d venture to say - they make me better, than who I was. Motherhood is about picking up the many broken pieces and pushing them back together. Motherhood is about never allowing my hopes and dreams to be dashed.
Motherhood is a blessing!
There are a million different kinds of mothers out there: to dogs, to foster children, to the homeless, to sponsored children, to the children we have lost, to the people of your church, to the miscarried, to adoptions gone array, to the children that should've been, to the children that are, to nieces and nephews, to boyfriends and husbands ; ), to the kids of the neighborhood, to the kids you teach in any way, so many.
Whatever kind of loving Mother you are ~ this is your day, and I celebrate you. I wish all of you a beautiful day today!
To my mom ~
I love you with my whole heart. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have you. Thank you for all you are, and everything you do!