OK, now back to our regularly scheduled program.......
- to depict or impress sharply and distinctly
- worked into the fiber
- firmly fixed or established
Sometimes definitions are the only way I can fully describe the way I feel.
I have had a really rough last few days. I feel like some sort of machine is sucking me in. I am trying to run the other way, but the sheer force is slowly, but surely absorbing all of me.
I can kind of pinpoint the beginning of my downward spiral, but not entirely. There is so much more to it than just this.
My brother, Dave, Aviana, Zander, Kama and I went to the park on Saturday. Seems like a nice plan, right? We usually take Aviana and Kama on a walk, but decided to play "Chuck It" with the dogs instead.
I picked up Aviana's wheelchair at the beginning of January and have seen her in it, oh maybe one million times. This time was different.
We had positioned her on the walkway, just on the edge of the field, so she could watch the dogs chase the ball.
She looked adorable. Cute little outfit, Hello Kitty hat, pink sunglasses, etc.
I wandered off about 10 feet down the sidewalk and when I turned back, I snapped a picture with my mind. Until I breathe my last breath, this single image will be permanently etched into my brain.
Beautiful Avi, strapped, right smack in the middle of all of the twisted, monstrosity of metal, also known as a wheelchair.
With each step closer, visions of her as she used to be, advanced.
We would throw the ball, and her and Kama would frantically chase after it. Kama would continue. Once Avi realized she was no match in speed, she would immediately turn into a drunken sailor. Giggling and running in circles all around the field. As Kama would make her way back, Avi would run full force at her. They would collide and Avi would happily fall to the ground. Only to get up and do it all over again.
Now, she sits at the edge of the grass, unable to smile, giggle, laugh, run, anything. She sits in her contraption and watches Kama and Zander run like crazy.....only to continue sitting there.
How must that feel? What must she think?
I sure know how I feel and I sure as hell know what I think.
Does she hurt like I do?
I say a silent prayer that she doesn't, yet does.
Does, only in order to motivate her to get better!